Tuesday, August 14, 2007: Faith as small as a mustard seed..
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-3
at that point of time i dont know whether i should be disappointed or upset or be okay about everything and just move on from here. its like putting hope in something for nothing, sometimes i wonder why God even opened the door when He was going to shut it anyway. its all just a waste of preparing myself for it.
but then when i stop to process what seemed like a blow, i was yet again reminded of the lesson of God's faithfulness to me, and how i believe, as strongly as Dumbledore's Army believed that they could fight Voldemort, that God will continue to be faithful to me even through the doors that He has closed. God has been faithful, and i know that He will continue to be faithful. (phil 1:6) but i dont think i regret anything that has happened; i think all have brought me closer to the word of God, and understanding His purpose and will better.
it hurts and it smarts and it stings, even after thinking things through. sometimes i want to be immature about things, and just throw a tantrum or be stubborn or say something to hurt or even just fume away silently. but then i've come to realise that the way that i react, the things i do affect the way people feel, even if its just for that moment of pleasure to see them hurt the way i do. sometimes i wonder how Jesus had the love to forgive so quickly, and the grace to be kind.
to a certain extent i'm glad that even now, even in semi bitterness, God is always there to hear what i have to say, even though i dont want to hear what He has to say. i'm glad that God is loving enough to let me be wilful just this once, but patient enough to wait until i'm ready to show me other beautiful things that He can do in my life or use me for.
but yet to the rest of that extent i wish i could have some physcial comfort, i just want to be hugged and loved and be told that i'm still precious and i can still be used by God, even though i know it, very well.
but everything comes with a choice, and i think i still want to choose to be joyful over being stubborn, be patient over being angry, thank God instead of being reproachful.
All I Want To Do
All i want to do, is be close to You,
And all i want to say,
Is thank You for the way,
You love me, You love me.
Cos You are,
Faithful to all that You have promised.
And loving in all of Your ways,
Still with all of my failings,
You love me.
You love me.
La la la la la la la la la la ~
a shout of praise.
12:40 AM
